Motherhood: Feeling Worn Out.

Motherhood, working and everyday life stressors have me feeling worn

I’m 33. I’m not old, but I’m not young. I have a husband, and 3 children 7 and under. We have a dog and a cat, and some chickens. We have a beautiful home we built, and live on some land that will give us the opportunity to start the farm we’ve been dreaming of. We have a support system close by, our kids are kind and we enjoy spending time with each other. So why do someday, most days, feel so hard?

My First Thought

Re-reading that last paragraph has me feeling almost frustrated, because my life is really good, and I know that. But something still has me feeling off. And truthfully, I don’t think it’s just one thing – it’s many small things that have been adding up over the years. Sometimes it feels as women, as moms and wives, that it’s hard to feel “bad” about life because it could always be worse.

I want to do so many things. I want a farm with all the animals. I want to watch my kids do the activities they love, and participate in them with my kids if I can. I want to cook home made meals, and clean with “cleaner” products. I want to teach my kids how to be kind, but also how to stand up for themselves and others. I want to take time for myself, but I also don’t want to miss anything. Feel me?

So the above isn’t a long list of “want’s” but it also needs to be broken down more.

Starting a farm: what animals? how many? fencing and shelter? food? water source? vet bills? additional equipment? can we afford it?

Kids activities: which ones? how many? 3 kids to 3 place with 2 parents? time commitment? trying something new? sticking with something they like?

Cooking at home: what meals? will everyone like them? trying new foods? does it have good balance? quick enough for busy evenings?

Cleaning my house: what ingredients should I avoid? do “natural” cleaners work? how do I find the best ones? I don’t want my house to stink?

Raising kids: how do I raise them to be kind, but strong? am I showing them right from wrong enough? am I fun enough? am I present enough?

The mental load of motherhood never ends

I’m tired. My brain never stops and even when I’m sleeping, I wake at the smallest noise. I worry about everything, not necessarily in a negative way, but in a “I want to give my family the best” type of way.

And maybe that’s me adding to my mental load, then being overwhelmed by it. But maybe it’s also me wanting to be a good wife and mother?

I know I’m rambling, and this post is likely more for me to get out my feelings.

I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good mom. I want to be present and do fun things. I want to provide for my family. But some day’s that’s hard. Today is feeling like one of those days.

What I’m going to do about it

So today, I’m going to try to feel better. I’m making a conscious decision to *hopefully* feel more like myself and less overwhelmed.

I’m going to:

1. Eat nutritious foods. And while I’m at it, I’m going to meal prep some foods for the week (muffins, stuffed dates and prepped some veggies)
2. Move my body. I quick workout and maybe a walk. I don’t want to – but I want the results they will give me.
3. Take an everything shower. Wash my hair, shave my legs, lotion up afterwards. And I’m not going to wait until my bedtime to do it, I deserve energy for my shower.
4. Read. Sit and read my book, even just a chapter or two.
5. Spend time with my kids. I’m not a “sit and play” mom, but I will play a board game, paint nails, do something outside type of mom. I love my kids, I want to spend time with them
6. Prepare for tomorrow. Pack my bag, get my kids ready. Monday morning isn’t always fun, but it comes anyways.
7. Go to sleep at a good time. I’m on my period at the time of typing this, I know I need more sleep. So I will sleep as best I can.

I hope in a few months, I can come back to this and re-write it saying I’ve found the solution to mom’s being overwhelmed. I doubt it’ll happen, but imaging if it did!